"What's the name of the word for the precise moment when you realize that you've actually forgotten how it felt to make love to somebody you really liked a long time ago?"
"There isn't one." - Neil Gaiman, The Sandman Vol.7: Brief Lives.
Not forever, no — perhaps
For a few years —
I will think
Of the smell
Of cheap whiskey and wet earth,
Of darkening air
And dripping hair,
And longing, when it rains
In September.
For a few years
I will try to hold
Onto one soft morning,
The feel of my hands toying
With your pocket, listening
To your quiet plans
For the future.
(Even as I knew I
wasn't there.)
For (hopefully)
A few years only,
I will wonder
When I fell, if
It was while basking
In the sun of your laughter
Or while thrilling
To a fleeting
Silent look.
Unlike the eternally
Sharp digital you,
The lines of remembered you
Will, all too soon, blur
And fade like an old film photo;
So I inscribe these
Wounds again,
Fearing to forget, and heal,
Than to regret, but feel.
But already it's
The memory of pain
That answers my invocation —
A ghost —
Not the old exorcised demon.
T. Nelson
I really like the various images you bring out, especially "and longing, when it rains in September" and "toying with your pocket..". I remember when it was raining yesterday, I'd mentioned to a friend this idea of wrapping hands inside a lover or friend' pockets to feel warm and cozy, and how that feeling is closest to what fresh honey tastes like.
ReplyDeleteThough the third stanza sticks to me the most, it gives me a novel sense of joyful naivety.
Thank you, Himanshu. Indeed, the simplest gestures can sometimes be surprisingly intimate. I love the comparison you made to fresh honey; quite poetic!
DeleteAnd yes, falling in love does require some naivety, I think. At least sometimes.
I loved how you juxtaposed the idea of a digital self with the real self and how every bit and piece of memory holds an element of yearning and a pain of losing someone or breaking up with that person or even the beautiful memories. The idea of whiskey, dripping hair and memories associated with the loved one resonated with my own experience of wanting to go back to the time when things were same and at the same time snapping away from the thought of it due to the fact that even beautiful memories embody a certain emotion of pain. Good work Nelson. :D
ReplyDeleteThank you for your kind words, Himanshi, and for sharing your experience. I am glad these lines resonated with you as a reader, that's a great success for this small effort.
DeleteAnd yes, pain and happiness often can, and do co-exist within a single memory. But that just means one has felt, and lived, intensely, and that is something to be prized, perhaps.