Monday, 30 April 2018

Self-reflective essay



The first thing I did as soon as I got the reading material was look up the essay by Wislawa Szymborska. I read it. I reread it. A week later I found a book with her poems in the library and that book has been with me ever since. I just want to thank you first for introducing me to her work because that book has saved me at times, inspired me when I was low, offered companionship when I thought I needed none.  I know all this might sound cheesy but it is what it is.

The first poem I wrote in this course was called ‘Pink Crush’. The last poem I wrote in this course was ‘Four dinosaurs lived in a nest’. As much as I hate confessing it to myself, all poems of mine have been about loss.  I do not like seeing a pattern in my work but I guess that is the point of this essay. I do not even like writing about loss or love for that matter. While writing each of these poems, not even once I realized that I was writing about loss. In fact, I took grave measures to not write about romantic idea of love or things that make me sad. But I guess in recognizing what I do not want to write on I wrote on those very themes. 

I also had a habit of using alliteration and would use it as and when the thought came. Now I am more careful of this habit. I think about the form and what I want to say all the time. One of the feedback Akhil gave me for my poems is that if a meaning can be conveyed in small number of words then do that. I have recognized this thought process in so many of the novels and poems that I admire, and it opens new ideas for me every time I re read the work. This is another reason why the book of poems by Wislawa is still with me. I have also taken this feedback for my writing. I have also become conscious of the way enjambment works but my writing has been slow to incorporate this recognition. I think I can see a process here.

One of the most enriching, joyous process for writing a poem has been the process of writing a villanelle. I enjoyed the hard work that I put in it. I detested the process of writing a ghazal. I think I still need to work on it. I have tried working on it but it drains my energy to work on a ghazal. I am not giving up on it. But I do recognize that I do not like working on a ghazal. The most challenging part for me has been to write a ghazal. I am going to take the challenge forward and submit the ghazal to Akhil by mail in the holidays as I am under a lot of pressure right now. I found the response poems to be a very difficult and enriching process. I enjoyed it as well.

I liked working on the nonet too. It was one of the most helpful experience as I struggle a lot with replacement of words and lines. Basically, I find editing very hard. I can edit other’s pieces. But I can never edit mine. In fact, I keep everything and keep on adding more lines. While discussing prosody and nonet I could make a lot of connections with my own work. I could come up with more logical and analytical solutions as to why a particular word or line should be kept and why should they be removed.  The exercise of locating our experiences while drawing that map of Delhi helped me writing what I wanted to say through my city poetry and which place do I need to direct it to.

More than reading the poems on the reading list, I was excited about reading the poems of my fellow classmates. Reading their work has influenced mine. Everyone read differently into other’s works and it was quite incredible to see everyone handle each other’s work with kindness as well as sincerity. There have been times when I could not make sense as to why I wrote a particular line, or why it should go here and not there, but in times like this, someone has come with a better understanding of the line in my poem and I felt understood. Editing each other’s work was a fairly constructive process, but most importantly it was the poems that I would be looking forward to on Wednesday that made me want to come to every class. Believe it or not reading my classmates’ poem has made me see flaws in my poems. I might not be able to express it very well right now but I am aware that their poems have shaped up my critical abilities. It was again a very good experience to listen to them on the poetry reading day where they read out their own poems, some of which we had read. But the listening experience only added on to my experience. It was one very good day.

I See Kashmir from New Delhi at Midnight by Agha Shahid Ali is one of my favorite poems in the whole reading list.

However, I wish we could go outside more and work on our poems. I must say that one of the most memorable experience for me, my craft of poetry, my writing, my understanding has been the excursion to Old Delhi Railway Junction. I wish we had more such experiences where we could leave our immediate comfortable surroundings. I am so glad that I could be part of that experience. I really liked the poems that each one of us wrote that day. I just hope and wish we could have more of such classes in future.

I am reading this book called Read me at School. One of the poems that is on top of my head is this:

                Poem about the injustice of Being Made to Stand Outside in the Rain at Break-time
                                                                                It’s
                                                                                Not
                                                                                Fair
-          Sue Hardy-Dawson

I guess the reason why its on top of my head is also because I relate to the feeling. Its not fair that the course ended so soon.  


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