Self Reflective Essay

Initially, I was very skeptical about opting for the course because I did not like the idea of sharing my poems to a group of complete strangers. I had always looked at poetry as a medium for confessions. Now, in hindsight I’ve realized how naïve I had been in my assumption. For me, writing poems was more about discovering than it was about expressing. As is a case with many, for me too, it was a therapeutic exercise and remains to be so. I started writing poems last year to experiment with verse. Earlier, I only used to write prose pieces similar to journal entries. Writing was always a personal aside, kept for hours which would feel too heavy to bear. Was it only a therapy then? Why did I choose to write in verse? Why did I write?

It was of great significance for me to find an answer to this question. Perhaps, this was the search which made me opt for Crafting Poems. I’d expected the course would help me improve my craft but what I didn’t realize was how effective it will prove in enriching me, as a person. For the very first time, I stood behind a podium and recited my work. I could have chosen to not show up but being there, despite the overwhelming anxiety and sharing my work, has empowered me. Overcoming that fear made me feel like I mounted a hill successfully. It was that necessary.

According to Wikipedia, an Artist “is a person engaged in an activity related to creating art, practicing the arts, or demonstrating an art.” Thinking about the course now, we have engaged in a collective process of honing our skills and practicing a craft which is very dear to all of us. I will thus identify myself and my classmates as artists.

As I was re-reading the poems I’ve written for the course, I could not help but compare them to my previous work. I can clearly see how I have grown as an artist. My first set of poems for the mid-term portfolio were products of extreme creative labour because I was still struggling to come out of that unproductive phase where I was unable to put any meaningful word on paper. But slowly, as the course progressed, I found myself enjoying the process. I still remember the class after the love poem week, when we were discussing counter-intuitive metaphors. I could not shut up about it after the class. I even did the exercise with my friends.

As arrogant as a Chattarpur Farmhouse.

As anxious as a missed call.

But I was unable to incorporate it in my poems. I have found that I like to work with images and epithets more than I like to work with metaphors and similies. Perhaps, in future, I will work with these figures of speech among many others. This course has made me seek newer approaches to explore my creativity.

The most valuable lesson from the course has been realizing the significance which every word holds. I had never practiced writing in a strict form before and therefore, the Ghazal and Villanelle exercises were extremely challenging for me. However, I believe, in a way it liberated me. I weighed every word before I put it to use, making sure the rhymes and meter were precise and true to form. In If no one hears you, a Villanelle, I tried to explore the obsessive manner in which humans, in a society, need a sense of acceptance from others. On the other hand, my Ghazal, Anatomy of an Anxious Body, is a personal meditation on my experiences with anxiety. I thought, why not write about something that has been restricting me, in a form, that demands a restriction and so I did. Achieving it was exhilarating. I became a little less unsure of my craft.

Nitoo Das, in her session, said that her writings are always deliberate. I have made it my mantra ever since. My approach towards writing poetry was centered on the notion that it is an inspired activity. I have started practicing revision now. I no longer wait for the inspiration to strike me (it is a futile occupation to have). The inclination to write might be natural but it takes practice to improve the craft. I adopted this method for my end-term portfolio. I especially enjoyed reading and responding to Nitoo Das’s poems. How to think about Death is very dear to my heart. I never thought I would be able to capture an emotion I felt a year ago in a poem the way I did. I have used epithets to evoke the vividness with which I had experienced the setting sun by the ocean. Another poem which was inspired from her work was Paakhi. The first stanza in the poem which is in Hindi is from the song Zinda Hoon Yaar which is played during the ending scenes of the movie Lootera which was the inspiration for the poem. To be able to inhabit the persona of a fictional character in a poem was a first for me; something I would like to work with again.

The credibility of my work is for the readers to decide, I have stopped questioning it now. This is another invaluable lesson I learnt in the course. To be able to talk and engage with other artists in a homely atmosphere led to so many new discoveries. I have found a new admiration for other artists. It was wonderful to see how honest people were in class with their opinions and their craft. I do not know them personally but I think I have had the privilege of glimpsing into their inner selves. Their encounters with fear, shame, love, hurt or rage, on paper, were inspiring. I wish I had spoken more in class but the number of times the words were on the tip of my tongue and I did not speak are too many to count. That is the only regret I have.

Lastly, I want to thank Akhil for offering this course. I will always remember it with fondness.