I rest my flag,
Where I have bled.
For when peace comes,
It may remember me.
I rest my flag,
At the end of my ambition.
For when eternity comes,
It may remember me.
I rest my flag,
Where I am laid to rest.
For when oblivion comes,
It may remember me.
The play between the will to be remembered and the fear of being forgotten is well done. What is the experience or world from which this poem is drawn? Rather than abstracting that experience/world into this poem, let that experience/world also come into the poem? Give it specific details? Build a bigger poem, a more evocative one that brings together the anchor of experience with the flourish of a deeper insight. Have you read Bruce Weigl's Song of Napalm? Or Wilfred Owen's larger oeuvre. This is what they do brilliantly. Learn from there. You have a knack for it. But bring the rigour.
ReplyDeleteI rest my flag
I rest my flag
where I have bled
for when peace comes
it may remember me.
I rest my flag
at the end of my ambition
for when eternity comes
it may remember me.
I rest my flag
Where I am laid to rest
for when oblivion comes
it may remember me.