Excerpts from my Letters to You

23:05 hours

Hey you,

Remember Van Gogh
the one who swallowed yellow paint
to get happiness inside of him?
Silly!
I used to think.
But I gaze at a picture of my heart that is grey
made of ash.
I stare at the squeezed tubes of water paints
yearning to mix yellow with my grey.

00:00 hour

The moon is high up
and I sleep like a seal at sea with one eye open,
dreaming to rest my head on the land.
I recall your touch.
I recall transforming into a cigarette
that you put to your lips
And its body burned.
Now
I’m an ashtray.
I put out cigarettes on my wounds
hoping what my mother says is true-
“Fire purifies darling,
It gives solace to the dead too.”

01:21 hours

I tried to be with Mr N.
and H and A and H again.
But I tried to turn them into you.
They all ended up
Just passing through.
Rehearsing to unhook a bra or two.

01:30
The earth was flat once
and I was happy.
Then someone bent it
made it round
and I got lost.
Now, he pretend to sleeps next to the crumpled sheets
while I hit my pen on pages most nights
my words become his gaping wounds.
He tells our son he knows exactly why
swords are blunt
but pens are vile.